Bunn’s Prairie

Ha Ha! They can try their damnedest to knock me DOWN, but I’m sure not OUT for the count!

Today was far from pleasant…in fact there were even a few “surprises” I hadn’t accounted for. I knew that “cauterizing” was going to be involved, to help stop the bleeding. What I hadn’t mentally pieced together, was that to “cauterize” something means to “sear” it. Believe me, two-and-two came together in a hurry when I smelled burning flesh. Ugghhh. That, and I still haven’t figured out what the large vacuum hose was for. Some things, I’m pretty sure, I just don’t want to know. The procedure itself, hurt much more than I had anticipated. Kind of took my breath away. I can see why some people have it done in the OR with anesthesia. But, I powered through - hummed a little song to myself, and counted my breaths until it was over. It really didn’t take all that long.

I HAVE been mobile - up and around most of the night. The aching, cramps, and bleeding have been pretty intense, but I don’t think any of these have crossed over the “to be expected” line. I’m keeping a close eye on the bleeding, considering the blood thinners I am on.
At this point, I am really glad my oral surgeon didn’t suggest that I have my other two teeth extracted tomorrow. He thought the idea might be too much to handle (of course your favorite little superhero had originally thought it would be excellent to compact her misery into two consecutive days). Let’s just say, that I’m happy to be back in my igloo tonight. I can already tell I’m going to be pretty stiff and sore tomorrow…

My smile may be a little wanner right now, but I’m really glad this is done. I will continue to pray that I don’t show any new, abnormal cell growth when I return in April. Maybe this will be one thing I can cross off my medical “to do” list - PERMANENTLY!!

Onward and upward, but first, to bed. Even mighty medical marvels need their rest!

Sorry if I’ve been a few days absent. This little polar bear’s been hiding in her igloo. Not only is it far too cold outside, but I’ve been thinking the big world is also a little scary. I finally admitted to myself (and Andy) that I’m starting to feel nervous about my surgical “date”. It kind of surprises me. You’d think, by now, that I’d barely flinch when I get ready for the “latest”. Gee whiz, “Kidney dialysis? No problem. Retinal detachment? Of course! I can see with one eye. Organ transplants? Shucks. I’ll stop breathing with the pain meds; just give me a couple of Tylonol.”

Anyway, guess the SuperTwerp-with-steel-nerves has discovered that she still has a few left to “strike”.

Have been having a rough time switching my antibiotics over to liquid forms, versus the intravenous variety. It’s a very necessary move to make, (besides allowing me to de-access my IV line for most of each week, YEA!). Downside is all the side-effects ALL over again. Right off the prescription sheet — “nausea, vomiting, dizziness…” Heck, I’m damn near normal!

(Part two - “literary license” allows for that, right?)

The hour is almost upon me. The nausea’s had me down in a nasty, fierce way. Some fancy wrestling move I haven’t been able to get out of! I have quite literally been down, out, and in the bucket since Saturday night. Yesterday, I made it down for my dental consultation, but threw up twice there, so I wound up taking the cab home. Andy took care of me and helped me get the right meds in. I would have rather had a night to snuggle up close in bed. Instead, I have a sore neck from camping out on the couch.
I need to attend to a few things before I go. Thought I’d even be “friendly-like” and brush my teeth!

If I’m not up to posting later, I’m sure Andy won’t mind leaving an update. Thanks for all of the kind thoughts and prayers. Every last one of them is keeping me going!

I’m betting tonight won’t include any great adventures…. probably more of the same in my igloo! (At least it’s large enough for two people and two kitties!)

I realize my past few blogs have been fairly medically intense. Tonight I will leave a more general update, in hopes it will be a little “less invasive” for my readers. Easier to read and easier to write!

I have “cleaned house” a bit today, wrapping up several two-or-three-day projects. Everything from my laundry to mapping out my schedule for hearing aid consultations and my afore mentioned LEEP procedure on Tuesday. Andy had read an article a few weeks ago regarding daily house chores and chronic illness. The author acknowledged how hugely frustrating it is to feel as though you can never catch up, finish the job, or simply smile and enjoy that inner sense of accomplishment that comes from “being done.” Their #1 suggestion was to start with “clutter”. It’s proving to be true in both literal and figurative senses. By making lists and organizing big tasks into smaller “finishable” ones, I’ve been feeling less overwhelmed. My “to dos” can sometimes be simple and seem almost silly to leave a note about, but it feels as though I’m really moving forward and making progress when I can say “Good. That’s taken care of!” and cross it off my list. Ahh… there is great satisfaction in throwing away an “inked up” post-it note!!

Next week is going to start with some daunting things to deal with, but I am feeling organized and hoping to “power down” my central anxiety system for some fun this weekend. We’re already off to a good start! Tonight, Andy and I went to the TwinsFest season kickoff, and then cozied in to watch a movie.

I’ll call ‘er a wrap with my usual tag-line:

Meds and Bed.

Well, here’s an update on the OB/GYN front. This is the third evaluation I’ve had, regarding how the Docs think we should proceed. I have more information than before, and also a much clearer explanation of how HPV progresses and at what point it has become invasive enough to be categorized as “cancer”. This all is helping me feel more at ease. I tend to be more anxious and wary when I feel the information I’m being given has been “dumbed down”, or at least leaves too many grey area questions.

The unfortunate part of this visit was that it didn’t give me a definitive answer. I now understand the progression of the HPV (virus), and at what point it becomes full blown cervical cancer. I was shown pictures of the cells and what they look like during each stage. In a group of abnormal cells, the nuclei grow larger, until they fill most of the cell’s interior. These cells are the same, in essence, as looking a group of cancerous cells in the cervix. The defining point is that in pre stages, these remain in a random pattern, and cover only a portion of the cervix’ layers. When most of the layers are filled with these abnormal cells, they invade the less stable interior layers of the cervix, and ultimately break through the solid membrane that protects and defines the interior reproductive organs from the exterior ones.

After this explanation, I was even more resolute that a hysterectomy would be the answer. Let’s remove the whole cervix, and there won’t be a recurrence of cervical cancer. Right? Well…. only in a sense. No more cervical cancer, yes, but the high risk strains of HPV can be quite resilient - as well as creative, it seems. Over time, it can attack other reproductive organs and manifest itself as vaginal cancer, and the like. Of course, in many instances your body can rid itself of the virus, and you may never have a recurrence of any abnormal cells.

Both the resident I saw, Tuesday, and the specialist said that at this point, a hysterectomy seems like over-treatment of my situation. Instead they (like my OBGYN) said that a LEEP proedure would have to be done before a hysterectomy, anyway, so that we will start there. It is a procedure in which an electrically charged metal loop cuts through and removes the large area of affected cells in the center of the cervix. In a healthy body, the cervix will grow back together and fill in the space by generating new squamous cells. In an immuno-suppressed body, who knows??

The most frustrating part of this, is that by starting with the LEEP procedure, the body may not rid itself of HPV, and abnormal cells can be identified as early as three to four months post-surgery. Both Andy and I have learned over the past several years to be so proactive regarding new problems that have arisen. Hurry up and wait has yet to prove itself the best choice with my health. I guess I can always pack up my cervix and haul it over to yet another Doctor for yet another opinion, but is that necessary? Maybe I just need to have faith that I have seen some of the best Doctors there are, and this is what they feel is the right path to follow. I am being monitored closely, and have the LEEP surgery scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon. At this point, I think I must mail my anxiety off to Tazmania without a return address.

I know I have angels and eyes looking out for me both here and Above. My friends Mary and Jimmy T both reminded me of that yesterday. It gives a good centering point to remember how important it is for me to rely on and believe in my faith.

Well…after the past couple of weeks at the Fairview Spa, I thought I should relay some of my invigorating experiences. I am at least feeling refreshed, ready to charge ahead, and get my medical hangnails buffed up before I gnaw them off completely! Bedtime is of the essence tonight, so I will try to stay on task and organized. With all the swirl and whirl around me, it had sent me into a downward “twirl”, but some extra support from friends and family, and the TLC Andy’s been giving me have helped so much. I wasn’t really able to discuss it all a few days ago, simply because I didn’t quite know how to think about the latest.

Here is the non-sweetened, condensed version:

1) Audiology - My hearing has been declining since October, and has become significantly noticable since before the holidays. When we mentioned hearing loss in October (Andy’s good call), my infectious disease Doc pulled me off of the Amikacin antibiotic I was taking for my blood infection. Fast forward through a thousand frustrating conversations, both in person and on the phone, a more difficult time enjoying music, not hearing lines of a play at the theater, and just in general not hearing specific ranges of voices and words. My ears have been sore, and I’ve been feeling detached, as you might if you have water in your ears or an ear infection. I finally saw the audiologist to go through their testing and try to map out what has been happening. It was absolutely fascinating, I just wish it had been someone else’s test results they were describing. (*wry smile*) They discovered that I have “moderate sloping to severe hearing loss”, specifically in the high frequency range, lower range, and throughout the mid section of what is considered normal daily sound frequency. The loss - plotted on the chart - charges through the very middle of normal speech tones, which is something they hope to be able to improve with the right variety of hearing aids. My left ear is a bit better than my right, but loss in both is substantial. One of the tests that they run virtually straight from the inner-ear bone vibrations solidified that the Audiologist thinks my loss is probably permanent. Though Andy had done his research and knew that hearing loss was a possibility, I don’t know that either of us was really prepared to discover it isn’t reversible. I will need to be evaluated by a medical doctor - an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist - to rule out any other possibilities, but I am starting to cope with the realities of living with hearing loss. I refuse to fade into the shadows as a wall flower, simply because I can’t pick out half the words someone is saying. Andy is already trying to make some adjustments as in turning toward me when he talks to me, not moving around or talking to me from another room. It helps a lot to diminish background noise, as the distortion it causes is at times, even painful. Anyone who is interested in the “interacting with a friend or family member with hearing loss handout”, let me know. I’d be thrilled to pass the info along. I’m just stating to learn, and will probably ask my father-in-law’s opinion on lots, as he has had significant hearing loss since he was a young man. It’s nice to have a personal experience reference! We’ll keep you posted on this one.

2)Cervical Cancer/Precancer cell growth. I am seeing an OB/GYN at the U tomorrow. It should be a pretty informative appointment, and we will hopefully know what our treatment options are and be able to make a decision. I am ready to proceed. I would much rather “eliminate” the problem before I wait another year and it decides to “eliminate” me. At this point we are ready to go with the full hysterectomy/cervix removal, as that eliminates the chances for regrowth. Thank you Eartha Bunny for all of your info and compassion. I’m sure I will need to call on your strength in the upcoming months. There’s lots of questions to ask, and a million things to find out about. I just need to remember to breathe and take it one day at a time.

(side note: another defining reason to avoid chemo if at all possible - I found out at audiology that chemo and amikacin seem to have very similar and dramatic effects on your hearing. I don’t think I’ll invite another hearing loss contributor along on my “Medical Mystery Tour.)

3) My liver function tests are still all way out of whack, and have been for several months. I saw a gastro/liver specialist on Friday, but he didn’t have all of the correct bloodwork back from lab yet, so I didn’t receive a solid diagnosis. Here’s my list of could be’s: Could be damaged bile ducts, could be bone problems such as bone loss, disease , or cancer. I am on some high doses of calcium, and drinking calcium fortified OJ every day, though I don’t know if that will help anything. It’s good for me, anyway! I think he’ll know more about how to proceed later this week, as he wanted to dig more through my case history.

4) I will be setting up my dental plan with my oral surgeon next week. I know that the first step is to have the other two teeth extracted that are not saveable. I would actually like to have that done Monday or Tues. if at all possible. Sooner the better, because I want substantial healing time before March 4th.

Oh, please, please ask me why March 4th is important!!!! Andy and I will be leaving on a jet plane for the sunny beaches of Ft. Myers Florida for a week of play and Spring Training baseball! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! Somehow, late Saturday night, we decided to do it. Come rain or shine, we’re going to set ourselves up with the best chances for success, and see what happens! We’ve been talking about heading down for spring training for years now, but this year it’s going to happen. I’m lining my appts. and procedures up on either side based on what “practical ” healing time is for teeth, etc.

Somehow, I think that Andy sensed that I needed something exciting to look forward to. It will help me attack, deal and cope with what heads our way in the next few weeks. A new reason to fight with renewed vigor!

Enough for tonight! I’m already a half-hour late to bed!
PS: When I go, I really WILL send postcards from our exotic, vacation location!!