Bunn’s Prairie

Right now, I feel like the kid that didn’t get picked to play on the kickball team, so I’m left “down in the dumps”, watching through the fence at the playground. Andy thought it would be good for me to write, even though I’m not feeling very full of my usual “happies” and smiles. Guess even the toughest of superheroes have their capes draggin’ in the dirt at times.

I just haven’t felt “well” for a good couple of weeks, and it feels as though it’s robbing me of all sorts of things. From planned out events and activities, to small, personal things. I’ve done a fair amount of cooking, which I really enjoy, but haven’t eaten more than a few forkfuls, myself. I’m pretty sure that I’ve had this UTI for at least a couple weeks. From that making me throw up, to my antibiotics kicking my patooty, to the blasted business with my cervix and hemorrhaging, maybe I just feel like I’m on the side of the Titanic where everyone gets to slowly, painfully, watch themselves sink.

As is the case with all good gas, “This too shall pass.”

I’ll just let it out, try to remember that my faith and all the love that surrounds me will get me through the tough spots…and hope I get a much needed break soon. Sounds like the best “plan of action” I can come up with.

I still don’t know what is going to happen with my cervix – at least in the near future. My UofM gynecologist wants to play “wait and see” for another few months. Of course, we all know that Kaley doesn’t play that game very well. (*wry smile*) I was supposed to consult with my regular OB/GYN last week, but that turned into another transportation logistical nightmare. Arrggghh!!! (As Charlie Brown would say!) At least I got the proper release forms signed, she’ll be able to look over all the tests and info, and give me a call. I will have a consult with two of my transplant surgeons in a few weeks, so that’s a good proactive start. On an upside, I did get to share a piece of homemade carrot cake with my parents, overlooking Lake Harriet that afternoon. It made for a nice smile after a frustrating afternoon.

Pretty much, from that point on, I’ve been sick. Really sick. Not able to go to choir practice without throwing up, not able to grocery shop without throwing up, not able to sleep in bed with Andy for fear of waking him up with all my retching, not able to watch a Twin’s game on TV without taking nausea meds and falling asleep, Having to take nausea meds just to take other meds, or eat a piece of toast. In which case, I usually fall asleep before I feel well enough to EAT the piece of toast.

By the time Andy brought me in to FUMC last week, I was bottom-of-the-barrel gut wrenching, and from top to bottom, raw. All they could offer (as if often the case) was fluids and a regular dose of meds. I barely even made it through the 2 mg/2 hrs of Ativan. At roughly one hour 45, I’d wake up, start moaning, groaning, and eventually crying. Guess it didn’t help matters that I was down on the end of a different wing. If there is a part of the hospital labeled “BFE” I think “floating unit 6A” has got to be it. Luckily by 5 or 6 in the morning on Saturday, the active vomiting stopped and by later in the day they said I could go home. Andy’s Dad picked me up from the hospital, as Andy and his Mom had already left for Duluth to see “Jesus Christ Superstar”.

So, that’s another of my “sads”. Andy and I had planned on spending the next few days together, starting with a night in Duluth and tickets to the musical. I’m glad his Mom was able to go with him, so the tickets didn’t go to waste. They were for his birthday. I really wanted to share Split Rock Light House, Temperence River State Park, Lutsen, and Grand Marais with Andy. (Even the Tofte Ranger Station, Toffee!) They are all such happy parts of my childhood, and he has never been that far up Lake Superior before. I hope we will get another chance soon.

From what I “hear”, my choir sang like angels last weekend! Ok, well Angels with a little extra “OOMPH!” You can’t forget that the Colonial Chorale comes complete with its own motorcycle gang! From those who’ve contacted me, working with the composer, Craig Courtney was wonderful….only wish they could have worked with Mozart a little, too. It sounds like a perfect way to wrap up the season. I just hope we will all still have contact over the summer – even as everyone gets busy. Heck, don’t forget guys, even when I don’t feel terrific, it doesn’t take much effort for me to float in the pool out back, so bring your suds and your grillin’ food and we’ll Tango the evenings away!

I’m still not on any new antibs for my UTI, so I’ve been an active member of the bucket brigade today. Couldn’t go to the Twin’s game with Andy. At least he was able to trade our two upper deck tickets for one that was close to being “behind home plate”. Sounded pretty neat. I’ve never been lower deck, except for a few times in the outfield. I’m hoping that the Doc will have checked my bacteria’s “sesitivitiy” (to DRUGS, not chick-flick movies, or anything!), and will have something to prescribe by tomorrow. Never know, maybe it will be in IV form so it might even be “tummy friendly”. If I get to see the light of day, we may try to go a-visiting and a barb-e-quing for Memorial Day.

Well, just writing makes me feel better. I think I just needed a chance to mourn some of my little losses. Thanks, as always, for “bearing” with me.

Somehow, I clicked my heels together three times, and said, “There’s no place like home”…and here I am!! (Either that, or my behavior had grown so horrid, they were more than glad to kick me out tonight!)

Home is good. Now I just can’t wait until Andy returns in a bit, and then it will really feel like home.

We had intended on cruising up the North Shore for a few days this weekend, but that didn’t prove itself overly successful. Kind of seemed like trying to sing in the choir concert LAST weekend. Grr. Everyone is pretty sure I have a good old fashioned Urinary Tract Infection, but it hasn’t officially grown out the specific bacteria type, yet. Nice thing is, if you have a bucket (and know how to use it!), you can head home when things cool down a little. This time around, was some of the most fierce and continuous nausea I have had in awhile. I’m supposed to call tomorrow, and have someone “check on my urine” for me. Fabulous, eh?

That would, at least explain why I’ve been feeling so “ucky” the past few weeks. Am hoping they nail it on the head, get me some different anti-bs, and get rid of those little bugggers!

Well, time to toodle towards bed. Somehow 45 feet can take me an hour-and-a-half to cross!!

I had to bring Kaley into the ER early this morning.   She had been fighting the usual crud off and on for a while, but it really got bad the last few days.  She hadn’t been able to eat anything since Sunday or Monday really.  She is at the usual place, U of M Medical Center, Fairview.

This blog SHOULD have been written LAST night, but —well—last night I was rather out of it. Somehow I had good intentions of relaxing with my heating pad in the recliner — you know, have some juice, watch the twin’s game, float in and out of conversation with “the guys” who were set up to play board games a few feet away. I made it into the 2nd inning to see Torii Hunter blast a Grand Slam out of the ball park, and next thing I knew the announcers were giving the game “wrap up” and the friendly boardgamers were having heated “discussions” that were verging on WWF KOs. Whew! What did I miss??

I’ll TRY to keep my “chapter two summary of burnt toast” short, but we all know brevity is not one of the graces I am blessed with. So “bear” with me:

I had good reason to be worried about the bleeding. Through Thursday night and into Friday morning, I was hemorrhaging. Great golly large amounts of blood. And what are ya supposed to do? If I can’t figure out where to tie a tourniquet, I sure as heck am not going to have any luck with a Sesame Street band-Aid, now am I?? So, off to the “Big House” we go…full of pain, blood, nausea, and fear. Fortunately, the end result was an internal “sponging” to sop things up, a number of cervical stitches, more flesh burning cauterization, and some strange mustard colored paste that I think has some sort of cement/barrier effect. The unfortunate side (and there ALWAYS is at least ONE!) is that it took multiple Doctors and full exams to decide how to fix the problem. Three “Colposcopies” in two days is more than such tender body areas can handle. Please excuse my crudeness. But Mr Speculum has little to offer in “setting the mood”, and seemed to fail entirely in the “whisper sweet nothings” department. I wanted nothing to do with him at all. The last exam before they sewed me up took them eight tries, and even “steely” Kaley was blubbering and wailing by this point. Probably not one of my finer moments.

Guess they did what they had to do. The cause was probably a combination of the size of sample they cut out on Thursday, mixed with my not having the appropriate number of days to stop my blood thinners before the surgery. The fix, at least so far, has worked. The bleeding is down to a bare minimum, and the pain and swelling are back to a level where I can just be tough old Super Twerp, once more. No whiskey, just a bullet to bite.

I’m still kind of “walking like a sailor” (hee!), but we did get out this afternoon (oh that was nice!), and had Andy’s sister and brother in-law over for a game of Trivial Pursuit later in the evening.

I am so sad that I am missing the last of the choir season right now. Maybe tomorrow will find me sneaking in the back row and finding a way to snuggle up close to my fellow Altos. If God gives me the strength I will be there. Maybe not in the morning, but if you look hard at 2:45, my famous choir-robe red sneakers might make an appearance. If this causes too much fuss, I can just listen…but the chance to lift up my voice one last time this Spring with my choir family is pulling at my with such strength and spirit, I am finding it hard to ignore. If anyone reads this message before daybreak, can someone see that choir robe #6 is ready to go? I have my folder, and my keyboard and I will try to run music, if possible. Thanks to all. I love you.

With that, I’d better go seek some recuperation strength. I’ll have an extra tall glass of “Healthy Kids” orange juice in the morning!

Yeah, yeah…heard that one before. But the utterance that the cervix itself has no pain receptors and you could ultimately stab it with a knife seemed a bit inappropriate, I’d have to say. Never mind the fact that she wasn’t even talking to me. Sure, The Doctor who still has an intact cervix is describing this to my husband who never had a cervix to begin with. Andy, at least, is neither clueless nor lacking in the compassion department. He could see pain on my face, and felt how hard I squeezed his hand during the procedure. There was no doubt that it “hurt”. I was glad there was not a steak knife in the exam room for her to demonstrate her textbook knowledge with.

There’s my rant. Thought I’d get it out of the way. Otherwise, as Andy said, things went smoothly and according to plan. They took as large a sample of both exterior and interior cervical cells as was possible with the LEEP procedure. This is how the pathology lab will be able to determine the “cancerous” status of my cells. From what the Pap test had the ability to show, the cells lining the exterior of the cervix would all be classified as cancerous IF they have broken through the membrane barrier and are forming in a similar fashion on the interior side. So there it is. Now we wait. Pray. Try to surround ourselves with peace, love, and good Karma….

This afternoon, those wily medical folk at least had me occupied with fairly heavy bleeding to deal with. My hemoglobin was already dangling on the low edge of normal as of Monday, so if I’m still feeling woozy tomorrow, I may go in to get it checked. The bleeding has started to slow (thank goodness), but was pretty scary late this afternoon. I really didn’t know what to do. I mean, how exactly does one tie a turnakit onto one’s cervix? Maybe some fourth grade student has designed a good Rube Goldberg project for science class that will solve that, but it had me stumped. I’m really glad Andy got home when he did. He was a huge help, both physically and emotionally.

Other than the bleeding, I’ve been feeling pretty sore and “shell shocked”, but am hoping that will start to resolve in another day or two. The cramping has been intense, as well, but that, I remember from last time. Andy got me all set up with my heating pad before he went to sleep.

I should be headed that way, myself. Andy’s been re-reading the “Harry Potter” books in anticipation of the new one’s release in July. I haven’t read all of them, so I’m starting at the beginning, and hope to get further through than I did the first time!! They’re loads of fun! On that note, I think I’ll soak up a chapter before I snoozle…

Just had an idea! Maybe I’ll refuse to recuperate unless the Twin’s start winning!! Since we live so close to the Metrodome I’ll put big signs up in our living room windows. (Who knows maybe Santana, Morneau, Mauer, and Gardenhire will come over to negotiate an agreement. I get better – they’ll play better!!)